By Amanda Blake
For years, my sister and I stood on a narrowly frozen lake, parents on opposite shores. We were aware of the risk of stepping in either direction — a shattering plunge that would make no one happy — so we froze to maintain the ice beneath us.
I’ll admit that sounds dramatic, but that’s a bit of what it’s like being a child in a broken home. Now, if I’m being honest, I tended to lean toward my dad, which never broke the ice but certainly caused some cracks. God was holding us, because my relationship with my mom never faltered. You can be angry at someone and still love them deeply.
At the time, I never thought about how my parents’ divorce was affecting my wellness; I was living day-to-day, focused on school, sports, friends and maintaining the trembling “ground” beneath my feet.
The truth is, divorce takes a toll on kids. MARRIpedia.org offers a plethora of scientifically-backed statistics on this very issue, as summarized below.
Children from broken homes tend to view their social environments as unpredictable, increasing their likelihood to fight and steal. They are twice as likely as other children to drop out of high school. There is a positive correlation between parental divorce and reduced academic performance, delinquency, alcohol consumption, use of illegal drugs and health problems. A divorced family structure yields the highest suicide rates.
Parental divorce heightens the risk of mood disorders and depression, which often lasts into adulthood. If the parents of a child between ages 12 and 15 separate, the child frequently reacts by attempting one of two extremes: flying through adolescence or avoiding growing up.
Are you tired of the negativity? I am. It’s eye opening and heartbreaking to dwell on the effects broken homes can have on children; and, if you’ve experienced a situation similar to mine, whether as someone who stood on the lake or the shore (neither is sunny), you’re probably running those statistics through your mind, drawing connections to your own life.
I did when I first read them, and I am blessed to say, based on my personal experience, that divorce does not ruin childrens’ lives — breaking the ice does.
Hindsight is 20/20. I see now that the stability of the ice was never my or my sister’s responsibility. It was our parents’, and they did a good job. They didn’t overlook our pain or deprioritize our growth. They didn’t stop planning fun outings or being proud of us. They mindfully supported us, selflessly loved us, successfully raised us.
Were they perfect? No. But, in time, their love for us and their love for God filled in the cracks and transformed an icy lake into solid ground beneath us, where we could all rely on the Rock.